Do any of you do the New Year's goal thing?
I always find that if I have a start date, especially if it's January 1st, I tend to make a lot of mistakes & flub it up for a while, then drop the goal because I couldn't get it right.
So, I figured out a way to knock that shizza off:
#1. I get to the root of WHY I want this goal. Superficial reasons are totally ok.
#2. I'll create a start date & a goal in mind. Then, several weeks before (or days, if I only have a few days), I practice doing the goal.
#3. Respect & own that I will do this goal imperfectly for a while before I create small habits that can be sustained over a long period of time: habits created slowly, without criticizing, & with the intent of being imperfect--imperfectly me!
This realization of imperfect goal setting came about from trying to quit smoking. I smoked for over 3 years (maybe it was longer, I'm not sure because it's not a notable piece of my history I feel compelled to keep detailed notes on). I tried quitting so many times. I would have terrible anxiety attacks related from it, my breathing was painful, & felt so dried out (eyes, nose, mouth, skin).
Despite the health factor, it was superficial reasons that brought me to quit. I don't
want to laugh like a 90-year-old man, because I'm not a 90-year-old man. Also, the only lines I
want around my eyes & mouth are laugh lines. Screw that, JOY LINES.
I quit so many times, I can't even keep track. Hell, I didn't keep track. Failing was embarassing, but I noticed, by practicing quitting smoking (my grammar nerds are probably pissed at my use of gerunds--sorry friends!) developed a greater ability to hold a quit for longer periods of time. One day, it simply wasn't an issue anymore. It took quitting, failing, quitting, failing, then quitting again with
no expectations of how perfect I would be to finally quit. Plus, the inner critic jumped off a bridge because I wasn't hearing it! My imperfect practice of practicing enabled me to continue on practicing, practicing, practicing. Goodbye, Marlboros & American Spirits! Hello, liberated bright-eyed pink-faced lungs!
Oh, & one thing I
did keep notes on: I've been ciggie-free since 2005. Own!
Much much more recently, I decided to begin a vegetarian diet (look at my bio, I've been thinking about it for a long time...speaking of bios I'm going to update that soon). There were several hundred reasons but the most genuine reasons are #1. to activate on a higher vibration (that's Zo-speak for "feel better all spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally") & #2. there is no such thing as a humane way to slaughter an innocent being. WAIT! Don't run away! I'm not here to preach on #2 (yet, tee hee), but I am being honest about my reasons.
So, I knew it was something I had to do to be my most authentic self. But, I set no expectations. I said to myself,
"Self, I am going to fuck this up so many times because I really want to do this right. I'm scared shitless of screwing up because I have a habit of wanting to be perfect. But I am going to do this imperfectly; & if I do it imperfectly, I will feel good about having met my goal of being an imperfect vegetarian. And one day, it'll be seamless & perfect & I won't even have to think about getting it right, because it simply will be." Yes, I really said that. Self-speak is CRUCIAL because we all fight that self-speak-critic who tells us we're not smart/fit/pretty/funny/busty/etc. enough.
Two weeks after going green, I ate meat on 2 different occasions. Now, it's been almost two full months of eating a plant-based meal (I refuse to count the first few weeks of the new year because that is SO cliche) & I have ZERO desire to go back to meat. (My new heroes over at www.Veganproteins.com have delicious products to get more than enough protein & B-12 & zinc, all of which are soy-free & gluten-free! Boo & hiss to soy!) Also, can I just say, I feel AMAZING?! Plus, my skin is super dewy & glowy; I've even stopped wearing foundation. High-vibing, friends! That's what happens when you are being & loving your most authentic self.
So where are you at on your goals--are you feeling frustrated? Check in with them & with your self-speak. It may help to loosen your grip just enough & strangely set the bar a little low. Be gracious to yourself, like you would be to a friend who's fed up with her/his imperfections. Be beautifully imperfect right now; intentionally imperfect & imperfectly practicing.
Remember, you'll get it imperfect every single time, until you don't.