Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Setting Goals...No, Wait..PRACTICING Goals & F*#^(ing Them Up! Intentionally!

Do any of you do the New Year's goal thing?

I don't. 

I always find that if I have a start date, especially if it's January 1st, I tend to make a lot of mistakes & flub it up for a while, then drop the goal because I couldn't get it right.

So, I figured out a way to knock that shizza off:

#1. I get to the root of WHY I want this goal.  Superficial reasons are totally ok.

#2. I'll create a start date & a goal in mind.  Then, several weeks before (or days, if I only have a few days), I practice doing the goal.  

#3. Respect & own that I will do this goal imperfectly for a while before I create small habits that can be sustained over a long period of time: habits created slowly, without criticizing, & with the intent of being imperfect--imperfectly me!


This realization of imperfect goal setting came about from trying to quit smoking.  I smoked for over 3 years (maybe it was longer, I'm not sure because it's not a notable piece of my history I feel compelled to keep detailed notes on).  I tried quitting so many times. I would have terrible anxiety attacks related from it, my breathing was painful, & felt so dried out (eyes, nose, mouth, skin). 

Despite the health factor, it was superficial reasons that brought me to quit. I don't want to laugh like a 90-year-old man, because I'm not a 90-year-old man. Also, the only lines I want around my eyes & mouth are laugh lines. Screw that, JOY LINES.

I quit so many times, I can't even keep track.  Hell, I didn't keep track. Failing was embarassing, but I noticed, by practicing quitting smoking (my grammar nerds are probably pissed at my use of gerunds--sorry friends!) developed a greater ability to hold a quit for longer periods of time.  One day, it simply wasn't an issue anymore.  It took quitting, failing, quitting, failing, then quitting again with no expectations of how perfect I would be to finally quit.  Plus, the inner critic jumped off a bridge because I wasn't hearing it!  My imperfect practice of practicing enabled me to continue on practicing, practicing, practicing.  Goodbye, Marlboros & American Spirits! Hello, liberated bright-eyed pink-faced lungs!

Oh, & one thing I did keep notes on: I've been ciggie-free since 2005.  Own!


Much much more recently, I decided to begin a vegetarian diet (look at my bio, I've been thinking about it for a long time...speaking of bios I'm going to update that soon).  There were several hundred reasons but the most genuine reasons are #1. to activate on a higher vibration (that's Zo-speak for "feel better all spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally") & #2. there is no such thing as a humane way to slaughter an innocent being.  WAIT! Don't run away! I'm not here to preach on #2 (yet, tee hee), but I am being honest about my reasons. 

So, I knew it was something I had to do to be my most authentic self.  But, I set no expectations.  I said to myself,

"Self, I am going to fuck this up so many times because I really want to do this right.  I'm scared shitless of screwing up because I have a habit of wanting to be perfect.  But I am going to do this imperfectly; & if I do it imperfectly, I will feel good about having met my goal of being an imperfect vegetarian. And one day, it'll be seamless & perfect & I won't even have to think about getting it right, because it simply will be." Yes, I really said that.  Self-speak is CRUCIAL because we all fight that self-speak-critic who tells us we're not smart/fit/pretty/funny/busty/etc. enough.

Two weeks after going green, I ate meat on 2 different occasions.  Now, it's been almost two full months of eating a plant-based meal (I refuse to count the first few weeks of the new year because that is SO cliche) & I have ZERO desire to go back to meat.  (My new heroes over at have delicious products to get more than enough protein & B-12 & zinc, all of which are soy-free & gluten-free! Boo & hiss to soy!) Also, can I just say, I feel AMAZING?! Plus, my skin is super dewy & glowy; I've even stopped wearing foundation. High-vibing, friends!  That's what happens when you are being & loving your most authentic self.


So where are you at on your goals--are you feeling frustrated?  Check in with them & with your self-speak. It may help to loosen your grip just enough & strangely set the bar a little low.  Be gracious to yourself, like you would be to a friend who's fed up with her/his imperfections.  Be beautifully imperfect right now; intentionally imperfect & imperfectly practicing. 

Remember, you'll get it imperfect every single time, until you don't. 

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