No, I'm Not Young Yet & I May Not Change My Mind.

My co-worker just stared at me, dumb-founded.  Maybe he hadn't heard me? So I said it again:

"I don't want to have my own kids."

"Ever!?" He looked lost and sad, like I had told him that world was indeed flat which, guessing by his reaction, was pretty much what I did.

"Yeah.  I'll adopt someday, but I just don't want to carry."

"Really?" Same expression.

Another co-worker chimed in. "You'll change your mind."

"Yeah, you're young yet."

This conversation has happened MANY times and by every side of the binary: friends/coworkers/family, male/female, young/old, married/single.  Often (and unfortunately), this takes place after I share that I have step-kids.   "Don't you want to have kids of your own?" Ugh.  This question is problematic as it suggests: 1. My step-kids are mere fixtures or hurdles in my life, and 2. My being a step-mom is a fixture in their life.

I love my step-kids as if they were my own. Do I wish I could have do-over moments? Well, duh, what parent doesn't?  But to suggest that our alternative family should need a do-over, a (their words) "real" kid, to address that is incredibly insulting.  Or that their love for me is somehow lesser because my genetic make-up is different than theirs.  Family is what you pour into it, what you share, and what you take.  Our bloodlines may be different, but it's all warm and red (or blue if it's not yet oxygenated) so it's not that different, is it?

Similarly, is the idea of adoption.  I just haven't had the intentional desire to carry a baby.  I certainly have had urges, but those urges left as quickly as they came.  Someone tried to explain that that urge was actually the voice of God.  Hmm, well if I indulged every urge of mine the voice of God, I would either be: a strung-out Suicide Girl, morbidly obese from chocolate cupcakes, or a dog hoarder (I'm pretty sure God doesn't use her/his/their voice to condone any of this). You know what has never left me though?  The concept of having a family through the means of adoption.

I'm not sure why this is a point of contention.  It seems unthinkable to some.  I've been accused of being immature or selfish or a femi-Nazi.  My being those things might be true, but this decision is not its result.  I have the ability to choose and my choice is solely my own based on my thoughts, perceptions and intentional desires for my life.

I've used that term "intentional desire" twice now, and I want to expand a little on that thought.  There are desires (fleeting indulgences) and then there are intentional desires:  pleasurable, yearned for pursuits which may flitter or flicker but whose flame never die out. Serious, hardcore intentional desires of mine have included: getting a B.A., getting a Masters, creation and publication of my art and others' art, falling (and staying) in love with my life partner, getting a PhD, and having children.  And I can say that I have seen through to completion all but one of my intentional desires--still no PhD.  As you can see, I count stepchildren as equivalent to adoption as equivalent to pushing a baby out of my vagina and keeping it.

The issue of birthing, raising, and having children is as personal as politics and religion. That doesn't mean it can't be discussed and ideas can't be shared, but please do not presume to know what makes for a "real" family or that my age or personality somehow weighs into this.  No, it is not a waste of my eggs nor is it an abomination to my gender/biological makeup and no, no, no! Your story of your cousin who said she didn't want to have kids of her own then ended up with four will not be my story nor change my mind.  It is simply that: her story.

My choice isn't as strange as it seems, but even if it does seem strange to you, I'm happy to discuss it--just mind your manners, and check your catch-phrases (along with any scriptures, pamphlets, and soapbox testimonies) at the door.

Paleo Chocolate Truffles

I made these over the weekend for a BBQ at my box.  They turned out pretty good!  I used coffee, orange, peppermint, vanilla and raspberry extract and I have to say my favorite was the coffee!  The orange one was pretty good too and tasted like the chocolate oranges that you get around Christmas.

The most difficult part of making these was forming them into the balls as it is very messy, especially if you roll them by hand.  I think the coconut oil gives them a lower melting point, so if you make them for a party, keep them in the fridge or freezer until it's time for dessert!

Ingredients

• 10oz 60%-100% dark chocolate
• 3 tablespoon coconut oil
• 3/4 cup coconut milk (skim from the top of a can of coconut milk)
• 1-3 tablespoons pure extract of your choice to taste 
• Coatings: 100% chocolate powder, unsweetened shredded coconut, chopped nuts or melted chocolate 

Instructions

• Place the chocolate in a microwave-proof bowl and melt using 30 second cycles.
• Melt the coconut oil in the microwave separately and add to the melted chocolate. Stir together.
• While the mixture is still warm, quickly add in the coconut milk (try to use milk that's at room temperature) and add extract. 
• Mix well.
• Place in freezer for 2 hours.
• Using a melon scoop or just using a spoon, scoop out small chunks of chocolate and form it into balls in your hands.
• Add the coating of your choice by rolling the chocolate ball through the coating or dipping in melted chocolate. 

Cheat Day: Yea or Nay??

I want to start this post by saying we are not on a "diet" in the short-term-yo-yo sense. "Diet" merely means: "The foods eaten, as by a particular person or group." It's just our lifestyle (as you hear us say often on MMM)!

That being said, cheat days are still in question. I hate the word "cheat" because it sounds like I deprive myself of things on a daily basis. This could not be farther from the truth. I do not deprive myself, I just choose not to eat certain things, that I know are bad for me, on the reg. BUT, I am only human. I still get cravings. Sometimes they are very hard to ignore. I know there are a lot of suggestions to help curb cravings, specifically sweet cravings. While they are all fine and dandy, sometimes an apple just doesn't fulfill my deepest desires for  chocolate cake.

Another question for "cheating" is: Cheat day or cheat meal? A whole day seems a bit overkill, but at the same time, it sounds like a stressless day where you don't have to worry about reading any labels. Eating merely one meal sounds like it would do much less damage to all the hard work you've put in.

There are conflicting views on cheat days. Some people think you should never eat fried, highly processed and/or sugar laden foods. Others will argue that throwing in a "cheat day" every now and then is good for you. I believe this would be more of a mentally-good-for-you kind of thing as opposed to a has-excellent-health-benefits sort of thing. I can see where this would be true. If you allow yourself the things you normally don't consume, you may feel better that you allowed yourself the treat. Which in turn may make it easier for you to stick to your good eating habits, knowing that next week you will allow yourself one more indulgence.

Let me tell you why I think "cheats" are a good thing. When the hub and I do indulge, no matter how good it may taste at the time, we immediately regret ever putting that fried/greasy/sickeningly sweet food bit in our mouths and bodies. We never feel good afterwards! Sluggish, stuffed, and often nauseous. These "cheats" ALWAYS remind us why we do not consume these junky foods any more!! After we eat whatever it may be, our craving is gone and it's usually quite some time before our brains tell us they want that crap again.

I'm not going to tell you that you should have a cheat day/meal in your diet. But for us, it's always that reminder that the good foods we put in our bodies fuel us and our bodies crave those proper nutrients.

Either way, a cheat day/meal/falling off the wagon is not the end of the world! If/when they do happen, just get up, dust yourself off and get back on track.

One of my favorite quotes, that really hits home is, "You don't know how bad you feel, until you don't". This is 1000% true. I am living proof.